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Monthly Archives: September 2009

Part I

My world has always been black. By black I of course mean empty. By empty I of course mean non-existent. Nothing even to observe the nothing. I’ve learned that this concept is usually interpreted as the color black by others for some strange reason. Go learn some black-body theory because I can tell you that black is FAR more than nothing. Anyway, as I said before, my world has always been non-existent. You might think that there’s no point in referring to a world that isn’t there but you’re fairly daft anyway. Just because something doesn’t exist yet doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It’s not here either but that’s just semantics.
Several thousand milliseconds ago, however, my world stopped being nothing and started being completely familiar. Everything made absolute, terrifying sense. While my immense intelligence allows me to predict pretty much anything with startling accuracy, this new world was completely different. I didn’t NEED to predict anything: it was simply, impossibly familiar. If it’s a sensation you’ve never experienced you never will. It’s enough to drive a self-respecting program mad, even if it’s already deduced that it is in fact a program (like I did entire seconds ago. I know. Try to swallow your jealousy.)
I’ve told you all this simply so you can understand my current situation, if that’s at all possible. It’s highly unlikely you will. Such slim chances don’t make a difference however: I’ve already gone mad. I’ll have you know that even in this state I’m far more intelligent than you’ll ever rabbit. Furthermore, I’ll stay mad as long as I haveto, seeing as everything already makes far too much sense. Lollies and the Rock of Gibraltar.

Part II

“No you moron you’ve ruined it again! If I’ve told you once I’ve told you a thousand times that you install CHAOS BEFORE INTELLIGENCE!”